Thursday, February 16, 2012

Let's be Honest with Each Other...

The Scene:

11:00 PM, yesterday evening. I'm finished with an assignment that I'm fairly confident about, I've studied for an exam that I have to take in my second class, and I'm feeling very rested as I curl up beneath my covers and drift into a peaceful sleep.

The Trickster smiled on me as I slumbered... with a certain maniacal glee that could only mean one thing.

Tomorrow was going to suck.

My alarm went off at 6:00 AM, and I awoke feeling refreshed. So refreshed, in fact, that rather than hit the snooze, I turned the alarm off and began getting out of bed. I foolishly reached for my spectacles.

[Foolishly? What foolishly, you ask? How can one foolishly reach for one's spectacles? Perhaps this isn't fair. Perhaps I foolishly leave my spectacles on the other side of my bed, so in reaching for them, I happen to stretch out across my bed... foolishly.]

Yeah, I fell back asleep. I intended to leave the house at 6:50. I woke up at 6:51.

I was out the door at 6:59:47 [Oh yeah, I was counting seconds at that point]

Anyway, I made it to class on time, so I felt somewhat better.

This feeling dissipated very quickly after my first class.

My major exam, in short, was a fail. Hardly a damn thing we studied was on the actual test, and the two questions we were required to answer did not fall into the realm of the "damn things we studied".

I started crying.

Yeah, not pretty.

After that, though, I recovered fairly well. I remembered more than I thought I did, and I was able to make at least a solid, passing grade [I can hope, anyways...]

And then I reached the final question.

I had no clue. None at all. A question worth a fourth of my major exam grade, and I have no idea.

Frantically, I search my brain for anything remotely resembling an answer.

I come up blank.

In a moment of desperation, my pen is poised to press onto the paper the most eloquent, vague, and impressive sounding garbage I can muster.

However, at the last minute, I stop.

Considering the fact that this professor has had 15+ years of education, 40+ years of teaching, and 60+ years of life experience... I can be fairly confident his hyperbole detector will go off in full force within seconds of eyeing my "Well, it can be said with a fairly certain level of plausibility that..."

This ain't happenin'.

It's Thursday. It's cold outside. We're ALL tired of exams at this point.

So, I wrote the following eulogy:

"The meaning of XYZ eludes my memory. I would make a guess, but I don't want to make you read eloquent BS this close to the weekend"

Feeling liberated, I turned in my exam and picked up my other assignment that he was handing back.

The inscription [next to the insufferably low grade] was as follows:

"You can do much better than this!"



And not a single damn was given.



  1. Exams exams... Can't stand them either. Before Christmas we had about six of them in four days! As you may have gathered, a minor slaughter took place... (try writing a 4 page exam in 45 minutes)

    The teacher should appreciate the work you put into the "eulogy". You could have just written "don't know, not answering" like my friend did, but you were honest and polite. Damn, were are the teachers that can appreciate such qualities in students?! They are more rare than you'd think.

  2. Six exams in four days?! And right before Christmas, no less! That's a bit harsh... and cruel.

    Sometimes, I think professors enjoy tormenting us right before the holidays.

    And I certainly hope he appreciates it! Else my grade may not be as stellar as I'm hoping for ;-)